Choosing a path in life is no easy task, but allowing life to simply happen to you, is terrifying. We need small goals and long-term goals. We need them for accountability and sustainability. When you plant an apple seed, you know the end goal is an apple tree with more apples- but you can’t expect them immediately. There are steps to getting the final product. Your first goal is simply to water enough that a sprout breaks through the soil, but that isn’t the end of the work. You have to protect it and continue to give it water and sunlight. It will be fragile until it gets some roots. You might have to install fencing to keep the greedy or oblivious animals out that have no patience or care for your long-term goal. A plan and consistent effort will make all the difference in the fruits of your labor.
When I think about the fall season, it has always been a reset for me- more than spring or the new year. As my birthday has passed this year, the culmination of so many challenges has made everything feel paused. My mind is begging for new personal goals, but my focus is on my big kids. Their need for purpose is growing, and I must provide the support to help them achieve their goals. Back when they were little, clients and especially my parents, always teased that it was the easy time and I had no idea what I was in for. The quintessential, just wait!
I get it now. Not because they are angsty teens, but because they are becoming responsible for themselves. The mistakes they could make feel heavier and have more serious consequences if they’re not careful. I think we dread this season as parents because the worry is immense, but there are lessons they must learn on their own. My main goal has always been to keep the communication open between us. I want my kids to know that there is nothing you cannot say to me. I may not always agree, but I will do my best to be open minded and objective.
As the crisp weather approaches, a fresh perspective always seems to follow. There’s something about the rhythm of it – the gathering in, the letting go. Harvest and release. In these images, my littlest one runs through the orchard with excitement. She sees trees full of fresh ripe apples, an example of nature’s growth and how beautiful something can be when we work to cultivate it. But there are also smushed rotting apples that the animals have been picking at and people have accidentally stepped on- and she asks, why? Well, sometimes apples fall off the tree before someone picks them.
The thought of these apples being wasted seems to bother her more than I expected. It actually surprised her that no one would come clean them up or better yet, prevent it from happening. She was sad at the thought that they weren’t given a chance to fulfill their purpose. I tried to reassure her that the animals will continue to feed on them, so they are important too. And what is left will nourish the earth and maybe new trees will grow from their seeds. All of this left me amazed at the amount of thought, empathy and understanding it takes to see and appreciate a struggle. She looked at these apples as a waste, but I know from years of education and experience that this part of the process is important too. Even if it doesn’t look pretty, it will serve its purpose and the earth will help it create even more apple trees if we allow it.
So I began to think- as with the life cycle of this tree and these apples, if all things are connected- how are some people seemingly incapable of seeing how their actions affect one another, whether we intend to or not? While others are so hyper aware of the emotional climate surrounding them, with a desire to understand, relate and help. I’ve heard people claim empathy that is so sensitive that the emotions end up forcing them to put up walls of defense. Do we believe in this ability to turn it off? Or were they never capable of empathy in the first place? Welcome to my mind and the never-ending questions. Maybe someone more educated on the subject can comment and help clarify. (I will choose to move on so that the rabbit hole does not widen and engulf us all, but I am open to discussion and insight).
Growing an apple tree and how we navigate the journey of life seems to be a good analogy to me. With all growth, a plan and consistent effort is key, but adapting to change is pivotal. The elements are not stagnate, there will be things that happen out of our control that require us to find a new way, cope with a loss (or a win!), and change direction slightly or drastically. We are allowed to change our mind, learn from the experience and create a new plan and goal. We are allowed to ask for grace and understanding during that process. We are allowed to press pause and re-evaluate the needs and wants of ourselves and the goals we had in mind.
Fall is a reminder to take a deep breath and give ourselves grace. Take stock of what has been growing quietly, even when I wasn’t paying attention. Notice the small, good things worth gathering up and carrying into the next season – laughter, resilience, the joy of watching my children bloom. And just as importantly, let go of what no longer serves me, just the way trees let go of their leaves without fear of standing bare for a while. We are brave enough for the next season, because we trust the power of growth, regardless of a perceived or legitimate failure.
Each season has its way of teaching us new things, but I appreciate Michigan for its autumn and winter seasons more every year. I welcome the opportunity to choose slowness when everything else tells us to rush. To hold gratitude in one hand and change in the other. I am another year older, and that may be daunting to some, but I value every lesson I’ve learned through the years- knowing that it helps me navigate every day moving forward with more understanding for myself and others.
Another year, another chance to begin again, to recalibrate what is most important in life.
Every day I get to see growth right in front of me. My kids are working through problems, learning life lessons, and telling me stories that show me what they value in life. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be a parent to these amazing individuals, and I cannot wait to see how they continue to learn and grow through the years.
Forever learning and growing, I hope you’re doing the same.
hugs and love,
Cristina
